So today I must write. I feel the welling desire to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard, in truth). I have begun many a new entry for this blog over the past 8 months but they sit in the drafts file awaiting completion or at least to be fodder for further writings, somewhere along the line.
Since last post I’ve been on a bloody roller coaster, I can tell you. Certainly not sitting around twiddling my thumbs; although I feel that thumb-twiddling done with mindful attention is not necessarily a waste of one’s time. What have I been doing… well, the first thing that comes to mind, to be discussed in detail along the way, is “dealing with cancer”…. well that came from nowhere… kind of put a spanner in the works… gave me something to think about… help put a few things into perspective… and all those other trite things we say to minimise a rather large shitty reality. And no one can know what you know about how it affects you! Some people think they know (they’re the most annoying), some pretend they know (bless them… the innocents), some have seen so much tragedy around them or in their own lives they must remain distant, they must trivialise your situation because they just can’t go there again (sigh)… but one thing is for sure you will learn much about others and of course yourself along the way. But keep in mind you must be really, really quiet because it is within that silence that you will catch your own inner wisdom. And that has been my modus operandi through this (mostly… of course, I have had some pretty dark and sad and soul searchingly painful times). It is the quiet times of reflection that have given me some insights that I want to share, have shared with those open, wonderful souls who were able and willing to hear, because to me it seems, we in our bustling modern world, have lost sight of some deeper experiences of life and importantly with that, how we can do it better.
My favourite learning/meditation was on convalescence. It’s a word that has fallen out of use in our capitalist society where productivity is everything… it wasn’t so long ago (in my living memory) there were convalescent homes. A place where you would go to recover after illness, surgery, accident usually in a pleasant setting, where you would be under the watchful eye of kind and quiet staff. You would do nought in a day if that was what you needed, you were encouraged to rest, to sleep, to eat healthy nourishing meals, to be in nature, to play, to walk. I say “bring back convalescence!!” I actually did do this for a week and it was a great gift to myself. I stayed in my home, I was my own nurse, I spent time in my garden, I cooked some simple, healthy, tasty food and most of all I slept! I would lie down whenever I needed to and would sleep at all times of the day. For short times and for deep, long hours I would slumber, emerging reinvigorated, much like a butterfly eclosing from a chrysalis. The whole time was a metamorphosis. And that requires time. There is nothing to be bought or sold about convalesence. It must be allowed, given, invited, liberated, vitally lived.